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[16 Jul 2007|02:41am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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Watch What U Say - T.I. Feat. Jay-Z |
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soo yeh its been a few days... im sry :P
soo yeh im a bit trashed, few pills, and a bottle of cheap wine :P
iunno im just confused..
i dont know what to do... you try your hardest sometimes.. and thats not enough
but you want it to be enough...
iunno things are crazy.
welcome to life i guess :]
aha.
buut yeh.. im trashed whats new :P
it took me a few hours to write this actually
like it was split up half of it was written earlier half of it was written now
might not make sense buut oh well
to those i love <3
to those i hate </3
you know who you are.
xo~
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[09 Jul 2007|06:39pm] |
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mood |
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 iunno ? |
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music |
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Dirty Harry - warlords mixtape <3 |
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o hai.
im back :D
soo sup ?
i wonder who is gonna read this :O
aha welll... starting today i will try and write in this shit err'day. <3
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[27 Mar 2006|06:34am] |
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mood |
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blah |
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music |
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The Bled - Porcelain Hearts And Hammers For Teeth |
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Ch'yo..
I'll update this thing soon :)
xoxoxox
<3
Monday morning... spring break is over... BLAH!
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[23 Jan 2006|01:55am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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Marilyn Manson - Dried Up, Tied And Dead To The World |
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This weekend was a very good weekend.
lol.. Im so happy for once.
::smiles::
lalala..
Cant wait till next weekend.
Love much
G'night <3
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[19 Jan 2006|01:09am] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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music |
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A Perfect Circle - The Outsider(Apocalypse Mix) |
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Life is being strange.
I wonder what will happen next.
I guess we will just have to see what happens and adapt.. but will anything really change?
lol.. Its like I almost doubt my self...
..oh yeah I do
:P
G'night
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[15 Jan 2006|03:02am] |
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mood |
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 Thinking about alot |
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music |
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The Used - A Box Full of Sharp Objects |
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all is in this ( lj-cut )
::edit::
edited for the millionth time :P
took out most of everything.
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[13 Jan 2006|07:03am] |
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mood |
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good |
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music |
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Leftfield - Swords |
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After thinking a lot about what to do… I decided that no one is as special to me as Amanda is. There is no replacing her.. even if she doesnt feel the same way.. I will try my hardest to get her to =Þ. slowly but surely I will win her over.. (lol it sounded good in my head but sounds kinda cheesy typing it >.< )
Kinda short entry but im in Web class. Just wanted to say whats on my mind.
In short...
I love Amanda alot.. more than anybody.
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[11 Jan 2006|12:04am] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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music |
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Death Cab For Cutie - Someday You Will Be Loved |
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heh I was looking at Photobucket last night and found old pictures...
( from oldish to newish: )
Warning: very picture heavy of me through a few stages I went threw >_<
lol im happy.. some might find this lame but its because Amanda said 3 three words that meant alot to me.
ily
G'night
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[10 Jan 2006|01:24am] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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This Runs Through - when halos hold the moon |
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Im sitting here with alot of questions on my mind..
I wonder what Amanda is thinking
I wonder if Amanda will ever honestly feel the same way for me as I do for her
I wonder why my life is so crappy..
I wonder why my father has Crohn Disease
I wonder where I will be in a few years
I wonder if kevin and my want to live in orlando will go through
I wonder why I am the way I am and not a thug or a jock or a prep etc
I wonder if Francis is the one that will make me happy or if she even likes me
I wonder if Amanda is the one
I wonder if any girl will truely love me and show it
I wonder what the next person thinks of me
I wonder if any of these questions could ever be answered.
G'night
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[08 Jan 2006|04:34am] |
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mood |
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 ..eh? |
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music |
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Glassjaw - Pretty Lush |
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-_-
I think girls want me gay... seriously... there is no winning
It seems like everything is going good then this happens:
"I like you as a friend"
or I come to find out she has a boyfriend currently
or not ready for a boyfriend
or getting her shit together..
or simply just unsure
I mean, am I THAT ugly.. or unattractive in anyway? personality? style? looks? :(
but who am I kidding, no one has mutual feelings with me. soo.. I say g'night and move onto tomorrow.
Bye.
::edited to be shorter::
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[05 Jan 2006|02:39am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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Glassjaw - Siberian Kiss |
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Im sitting here.. thinking about why I am the way I am.
Amanda today said she read my LJ, and that she thinks she sends mixed emotions and that she confuses me, which really got me thinking. Its like here I am, I really care for this girl, I have been thought all the thick and thin. At times I dont see myself with anyone else. but then she'll bring up her Ex and how she feels about that whole mess.. and its like 'Why am I doing this..' its obvious that my feelings arent mutual or atleast it doesnt seem like it, so why do I set myself up to feel sad. oh yeah I remember, because I love her.. and thats whats hard, it makes me really happy and then really sad. and while all this is happening ever so often I think to myself why she still doesnt give up her ex completely.. and then I think about what I missing that he has that makes him so great.
And then there is Natalie. A really pretty girl I have talked to online for quite sometime now. I really enjoy talking to her.. online and on the phone(with her cute southern accent <3) even If im feeling like shit, talking to her never fails to cheer me up. I never thought I could have this deep of feelings for a person so far away.. I kinda thought it was impossible.. but surprisingly I do, if she lived closer I'd steal her for myself :P but even still.. I cant get involved because she has Matt.
I forgot who, but recently someone online called me a Hopeless Romantic.. I was like 'Thanks -_-'
I care for them them both alot... but why do I have the feeling nothing will happen with either of them.
but its all supposed to work out if I have enough faith, right?
To be loved by the one I love. if only. =\
"Life sucks and then you die"
G'night
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[23 Dec 2005|09:18pm] |
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music |
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Underoath - Burden In your Hands |
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If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
Or something that you think I need to work on.
For Ideas on my New Years Revolution =P
What do I want for Christmas?
To be able to hold someone that I love and that loves me back.
A request that will not be fulfilled...
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[16 Dec 2005|11:16pm] |
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music |
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DY - Rompe(Remix) |
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Hrmm..
angelicbabii3: so anything interesting happen lately?
Xxemo tomxX: like what?
Xxemo tomxX: er.. no not really =P
angelicbabii3: oh
Xxemo tomxX: besides trying to figure out my own feelings.. as you may read my LJ.. though I said I wouldnt I cant see myself doing anything else but wait for Amanda. Through all the ups and downs and problems that may happen my feelngs never change even if sometimes I want them to just to make things easier
angelicbabii3: *is speechless*
angelicbabii3: Even though I really don't know the situation, it is a good decision to just wait for the person you love no matter what the situation is =)
Yup. I was being stupid before. I love Amanda too much to give her up.
Im also going to work on not being so emo.
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[13 Dec 2005|12:16am] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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Deftones - Elite |
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lol.. I have major love for Amanda.. no matter what.
Dunno why.. but I felt like posting that =P
now I just need to take one day at a time and stop being Jealous and such. and whatever happens, happens.
oh and my Day was ok.. except the end of the day with was f' lame.. If you want someone to stop dont smile and laugh when you say it.. please for the love of all man kind >_<.. and dont get mad because the person missunderstood you telling them stop because the smiling and laughing threw them of and potrayed you as playing around too..
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[11 Dec 2005|02:18am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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Deftones - Change |
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Last entry the more I look back at it was uhh.. how I felt when I was feeling down.
To clarify some things to people that care.
I dont hate Amanda.
I havnt given up on Amanda, in some sense.
somethings in the last entry were a bit untrue mainly because I didnt know the whole truth.( I was going to delete it actually.. but im going to keep it to look back at this sometime in the future and be like.. yeah I was mad and a jerk at this point in time )
I really meant it about the fate thing.. If we were meant to be then we were in fact meant to be. but If she has some feelings now.. I hope she tells me soon. I cant keep standing alone with a sign saying "I love you" forever.. It doesnt make me feel good about my self.. or make me emotional fine either.
but yeah if she has feelings "then just tell me" its not like anything big has to happen.. but before we get involed with other people if there is something here it would be dumb to give that up, you know? ( heh I wish there was, and deep inside I really hope there is something but thats probably just me being stupid getting my hopes up )
yup yup.. this is were I stand.. its funny how something little can sway my feelings.. like yesterday I havnt talked to Amanda in a while and I was kinda like "fuck everything" and today she calls and now im like.. why the hell was I thinking like that yesterday. but no matter how many times I say Im going to forget Amanda.. or thinking about giving up, I cant deny the fact that I care about her alot.. and that she is a part of my life that I would never want to give up. she will forever be a friend, atleast in my eyes.
er.. on another note:
I was digging through my closet and found this old shirt.. I didnt like it much then.. but I kinda like it now ( _=P_ )
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[10 Dec 2005|10:28pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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KoRn - Tearjerker ( off the new CD ;D ) |
] |
I was sitting at my computer when I thought.. "I havnt been to LJ in a lil' bit"
so.. long time since a real update. Umm.. life.. its about the same.
like Honestly my feelings for Amanda havnt ever changed, but with all thats happening I think im going to try and leave her alone. She is an awesome girl.. and I love her to death, but I dont think I can take too much more of it. Picture someone you love, and im not talking about brotherly love or the such.. you know like someone you would seriously consider marrying. Now have that person tell you that they dont know the future and that anything can happen and that they still do like you. Then the next day they are hanging on someone else in front of you..
Its just alot of emotional bullshit that I dont need. Talking to and starting to like Marcia made me realize that there are other people out there. i've been actually happy for a change.. with all that Amanda stuff along with my own insecurities and personal problems on top of haveing my father going into the hospital again then hearing that he will probably have to undergo his 5th surgery and that this one could be the one that he dies in.. its like wtf. Marcia has been my Happyness. and I love her for that(friendly as of right now, but I have a feeling that it will change into something more)
Amanda I would say make a decision soon because I wont be here forever.. but it seems you already have, I hope its the best one for you. Haveing 3 dudes picked over me is kind of crushing.. you know?
but hey.. sometime down the line fate might say that we have a chance. but all I know is for now.. my thoughts and feelings are not going to be sololy for Amanda like they were.. since thats not the way she feels about me. Unless I am missing something.
Today I also was a camera ( whore )
Tell me what you think. =)
::edit:: added a paragraph.
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[29 Nov 2005|10:32pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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music |
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This Runs Through - I Kiss the Envelope |
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Today was a good day, everything about it was pretty much great, except when I got home.. that had to fuck it up a bit.
Actually in all reality.. it was a pretty normal day, but one thing made my day totally f'ing awesome was talking to my favorite person in the world.. you know.. besides Kevin ;)
its funny how one person can make your day go from basic/blah to wonderful.
But I dont think I should let my feelings get the better of me.. But I can still hope.. =P
umm... me and Issic are going to the static-x Concert on next friday.. (atleast I hope) it'll be fun.. I havnt hung out with the kid in soo long
I should find two CBR's for the concert though for my snake bites =)
erm.. thats it I guess.. Lata Playa ;)
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[23 Nov 2005|05:35am] |
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mood |
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both Happy and Weird |
] |
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music |
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Rufio - Drowning |
] |
( =( )
::edit::
Uhh... just wanted to point out that when I made this I was feeling kinda shitty.. >_< im fine now.. and my lip is swelled.
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[20 Nov 2005|07:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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hungry |
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music |
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This Runs Through - A Prayer Upon Arrival |
] |
Im getting snakebites tomorrow.. =P im looking forward to it, Yeah I like my center lip piercing but.. im really interested in snakebites now, but if I ever get bored with the snakebites or dont like them anymore im sure I will go back to the single center lip. but for now im going to take it out =( =(
Hrmm.. ( Pic of Snake bites )
I had an awesome conversation with Hannah yesterday, like with Natalie, she put me in perspective in relationships, normally im fine.. but just some days..
its hard liking someone so much but not have the ability to do anything about it.
But I dont not mind waiting, because if its meant to be then it will be.. but my only fear is to be waiting forever =(
even the smallest hints help with that uncertainty.
well.. im out, I may have said too much but it was shit that was on my mind, you know?
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[17 Nov 2005|07:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
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music |
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The Showdown - A Monument Encased in Ash |
] |
She's all I need
she's all I dream
she's all I'm always wanting
she's all I need
she's all I dream
she's all I'm always wanting you
snippet By: Robert Smith & Blink182
Song: All of this
<3 .
and
( ..ehhh?? )
::edited for a few more pictures::
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